Told By the Parrot

  Setting: Economics class discussing trusts
and combinations.
  Professor: "What is a holding company?"
  Co-ed: "About the same as a necking
party, isn't it?"
*       *
  "She's a little mite."
  "Yeah--dynamite."
*       *
  The honeymoon is the part of the girls' life
between the lipstick and the broomstick.
*       *
  Hicks: "Has your class in vegetable gar-
dening taught you anything?"
  Connelly: "Yes, I'll never agin believe
that we reap what we sow."
*       *
  Bride (after the wedding): "Did I appear
nervous during the ceremony, Clara?"
  Clara (the best friend): "A little at first,
dear, but not affter George had said 'yes!'"
*       *
  Lover: "Darling, have you ever been kissed
before?"
  The Girl: "Y-y-yes, 'cause I n-n--never
could s-s-s-say n-n-n-no fast enough."
*       *
  "Knuckle must be feeling the heat right now."
  "Why, where is he living?"
  "He isn't living."
*       *
  Little Johnny remarked, after attending his
first church service, that he was surprised to
find that the minister, after saying his prayers,
did not go to bed immediately, especially since
he had his nightgown on.
*       *
  She: "Can you draw?"
  He: A little--why?"
  She: "Then draw closer."
*       *
  The modern girl's face is her fortune, if it
runs into a neat figure.
*       *
  Abigail: "I see where a scientist claims
that a kiss shortens a girl's life ten seconds.
  Eliza: "Heavens above, I've been dead 300
years and didn't lnow it."
  The visible backbone of the nation seems
mostly femanine.
*       *
  Cadet: "Why do you powder your face?"
  Co-ed: "To make me pretty, my dear."
  Cadet: "Then why doesn't it?"
*       *
  Dumb: "My little brother will tell if he
sees you kiss me."
  Dumber: "But I'm not kissing you."
  Dumb: "Anyhow, I thought I'd tell you."
*       *
Quaint Epitaphs

  Englishmen of past centureies viewed the
writing of an epitaph as an excellent opportu-
nity to exercise their humor. These samples
were taken from tombstones in English ceme-
teries:

    To the passing of an old maid:
    "Beneath this silent stone is laid
      A noisy antiquated maid,
    Who from her cradle talked 'til death,
      And never before was out of breath."

    An ode to a departed wife:
  "Here snug in the grave ny wife doth lie,
     Now she's all rest and so am I."

    "The children of Adam wanted bread
     The Lord He sent them manna;
     Old Clerk wallace wanted a wife,
     And the devil he sent him Anna."
*       *
  I know a girl who wears long dresses be-
cause her knee is so bony she just can't bare it.
*       *
  A spinster is one who leads a matchless
existence,
*       *
  He: "I'd like some good old-fashioned lov-
ing."
  She: "Then come over some time and I'll
introduce you to grandmother."
*       *
  Anna: "It must be three years since I saw
you last. I hardly knew you--you have aged so."
  Annabel: "Well, I wouldn't have know
you either except for hat dress."

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